i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize