so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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