I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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