I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Help. Why am I so naked?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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