I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There r osticjed everywhere
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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