Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
