she was so not down for the gang bang
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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