Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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