I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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