The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
