3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
