I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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