did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
