you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
