This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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