This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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