One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
