Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
