covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
