the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
