If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
