Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
