almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
