brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
