sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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