Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
