Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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