How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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