I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
