they need to just BURY HIM!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
