My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
