Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
