I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
