Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize