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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?

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• (516): View more from New York

  whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  I feel so bad for your roommate

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.

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• (415): View more from California

  Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I totally fucked your pastor last night.

  (1-304): View more from West Virginia

  You're his wife.

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Still a dirty get down.

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