you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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