you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
