HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize