I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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