Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.

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(802): View more from Vermont

Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?

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(970): View more from Colorado

I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.

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