Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
