So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
