WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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