You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
