I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
