so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
