Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
