Soap is not a condiment
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
