I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
