I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
