hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
