i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize