and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
