Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
