maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
