I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
