He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I am one with the molecules
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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