What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
