what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
