i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
