ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
