You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
