Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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