She is in my trunk
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Congratulations! We have a period
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