hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
