He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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