At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
