I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
