my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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