I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize