I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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