I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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