When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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