So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
