What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
