Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Randomize
