his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
They have beer where we have blood.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
