The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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