I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
