I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She needs sedatives and a leash
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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