if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
