They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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